2013 was no doubt the best year of my
life.
If I were to look back and choose one of
the happiest points in my life, no doubt 2013 would come to mind.
I remember telling my mum how happy I am
now, and she thought I was crazy cuz I was laughing and crying.
Before all the good things came to me, I
felt as if I was losing myself. It’s like you could ask me to describe myself
and I wouldn’t be able to go past the superficials and standard answers like
“talkative”. It’s not as if I was sad and depressed or anything, I was just
mostly void of feeling. Apathetic and uninterested- as if I was getting sick of
the routine of life. A levels had ended and I felt like I had no goal and
nothing to look forward to anymore.
Then came my A level results which I
will forever be thankful for. The pride in my family’s eyes and words was worth
it all. Thinking back, this was probably when things started getting better for
me.
I joined UOB on 20th
February, and that’s where I met Julie. This is where all the words in the
dictionary fail me. I don’t know how to describe her. She’s crazy yet serious,
childish yet mature, chill yet goal-driven, and like I told her in her birthday
card, I feel like she’s got it all figured out, cuz her life is such a
well-balanced one. Because of you, Julie, I didn’t have to face my sadness
alone nor celebrate my victories by myself. Till this day I’m astounded as to
how selfless you are with me- with your money, time, and most importantly love.
I’ve always heard of selfless love (agape) but I think apart from my family,
you’re the next closest to a real life example of it in my life. I look up to
you so much and in so many ways I aspire to be like you, though in my own way.
No matter what others say I know your
influence in my life benefits me more than it harms me. Thank you for all the
new experiences you’ve brought in my life, for the companionship, for the
friends you introduced me to whom I’ve grown to deeply love and care for, for
being there for me no matter what/where/when. You’re the one I would call if I
got into trouble in the middle of the night with no doubt in my mind you’re the
right person to go to. Thank you for opening my eyes up to the world.
Then June came and I swear it was the
craziest month of my life. That was when my life changed forever and not
because of one event but because of a series of them. I left UOB to go for all
my holidays before school starts, and the first one up was Church Camp. For the
past year I’ve been so resentful and bitter to everyone in Life BP Church. I
felt like my time there was all a bad dream and I desperately wanted to forget
everything- how I acted, how I was treated, the things I saw and the things
people told me. To be honest I will never get over it, but church camp took
away this anger in me. Thank you my LPBC Rebels- Joanna, Edel, Sherlin, Joel
Tan and Joel Lim. For judging and nagging me with love instead of disapproval
like how it has always been in church, for being concerned for my well-being
when it seemed as if I was the one who threw everyone aside, and for standing
up for me when I’m not around to do so myself.
Thank you- Joanna for being so generous
with material possessions and her love, Edel for genuinely listening to me and
being able to advise me well cuz you understand, Sherlin for looking out for
any signs of unhappiness on my part and making sure I’m okay almost immediately
after, and Joel Tan for showing your love for me in your own unique ways-
driving me around, talking to me on sensitive topics I wouldn’t talk to others
about and for reassuring me that I can
always call you if I need you to beat anyone up for me (LOL). Because of me you
guys could face a lot of judgement yourselves, but you guys stayed anyway, and
that’s the most genuine thing I took from church.
Then was my Bangkok trip one day after,
during which I was mostly on my phone discussing with my Titans about my
birthday party. I had no idea why but this year I felt like I just wanted my
birth to be celebrated as a big thing for once. So thankful for them, but
that’s a paragraph I’ll save for later. I’m glad I got to spend time with my
family since I’ve been so busy with UOB, Church camp, etc. and my family is
something I’ll be thankful for every year without fail.
People close to me will know how often I
talk about my mother, and when I do how I do it with love in my tone. I don’t
know what I did to deserve a mother like her, who accepts me no matter what
shit I’m in right now, and a mother who I can tell honestly when I’m going
clubbing, whether I’m smoking, when I’m going to sheesha, or whatever, and even
offers to pick me and my friends up from ZoukOut.
My dad is someone I will also be forever
thankful for, though his love for me is a quiet and subtle one, I know he does
love me and shows it in his own ways- by picking me up and sending me to
wherever, quietly suggesting that maybe my guy friends should walk me home
since it’s late at night, buying me beats earphones the day after I spoilt the
other beats earphones you bought for me, etc.
And of course my brother who has been my
confidante in many things and who looks up to me no matter how screwed up I am.
He’s such a good listener which is good for someone like me who talks a lot,
and when he gives a response, it’s either so full of wit or wisdom I feel
ashamed that I’m the older sibling instead of him.
On 28th June I celebrated my
birthday in advance at East Coast. I didn’t really have a guestlist, I pretty
much copied and pasted the same casual invitation to every whatsapp groupchat
and individuals I talk to often, and ended up with 35 over people attending my
party. (Including all the plus 1s). It was such a big shock to me that my
birthday mattered to people and they genuinely wanted to take time off to celebrate
it with me. It’s not as if I was offering them something so great like a hotel
room to sleepover in, or a professionally hosted event, it was just a BBQ at
freaking east coast park. And yet people came from NS, work, school, etc, just
cuz I casually invited them (some not even individually). For the people who
came, even the friends of my friends, I am thankful that you made my 19th
such a memorable one.
Then 30th June came I
honestly I don’t think I can ever forget that day even when I’m old and senile.
In hindsight, it was a bittersweet day. Bitter because it was a slap in the
face that things almost always never work out the way I want it to, and also it
was the day I forced myself to list out my imperfections and that was fucked up
as hell. Then now I think of that day more fondly- as the day that opened up
the gates to many new adventures for my then very mundane life. Also because of
that day, I got to know so many more people that have become important in my
life, and closer to people I already knew and got to know them in a whole new
way. So to you, thank you for that day. One day the hurt buried deep in my
heart will heal, and I hope your guilt has already long healed.
My actual birthday was such a simple
one, and yet I’m so thankful for the normalcy amongst the craziness I was
unwillingly tossed into. My life then was crazy, I spent 5 days in church camp,
came back to the haze for 1 day, flew off to Bangkok for another 5 days, came
home and threw my birthday party, then had that incident threw at me. Thank you
5/7th of the Titans for going to USS for me to leech off their
birthday freebies and spam the Battlestar.
After I turned 19, things that were once
foreign and uncommon to me became my way of life. If anyone ever wants to stop
being my friend and blame it on me changing, this period of time would be your
perfect excuse. The friends I mixed with were people I never thought I’d mix
well with, and yet through a series of events we ended up being very good
friends I never want to lose in my life. The vices that I started indulging in
were ones I never thought I’d succumb to, and yet I did and still am. The
experiences in my daily life became much more eventful and exciting, and that
was when I started to love the weekends dearly when everyone was free to hang
out. This was the time my life changed. I went out and lived my life, instead
of merely dreaming of it. I believe very strongly in not regretting the major
decisions in my life and I definitely would not regret changing my lifestyle
this drastically.
The crazy clubbing phase kicked in and
for a little over 4 months I was in a club every Friday night, and some weeks I
partied more than once a week. I am neither proud nor ashamed of it, but view
it simply as a fact that I am a person who likes to have fun. My mother grew
abit concerned but after reassuring her I’m fine, she never once bothered me
about it ever again (even encouraging me to go for zoukout LOL). School started
in around August and I initially planned on focusing solely on my studies and
not going to a club till the holidays, but out of the 14 weeks of school, I
clubbed at least 10 of them. This was also an important event in my life,
because that was when I realised the importance of balance. I didn’t want a 4.0
GPA at the expense of my life and friends, neither did I want a lousy GPA at
the expense of having fun. I learnt to organise my time well, making sure I had
time for both fun and studies, and though my GPA could have been better this
sem, I am forever proud of the balance of both worlds in my life. My friends
would say it’s ridiculous how free I am given that I’m in a university, and yet
my grades in my weekly tests never dropped below a B+. Naïve, but I honestly
think I’ve found the secret to life. This is what I define success as- being
able to balance work and play and excelling in both areas. To be able to thrive
and not just survive.
SMU so far has been amazing. I’ve made
so many new friends and no enemies so far which is almost impossible for a person
like me.
A lot of random things happened along
the way, like USS Halloween, sheesha sessions at Haji, drinking sessions with
the Titans, sleepovers, dramas, etc. And I can honestly say I am thankful for
each and every one of them, be it good or bad, because it all led me here today
and I am happy. I remember telling my mum I got home late (like 7am wtf) cuz of
drama and she said as long as I didn’t appear in the newspapers the next day
then it’s fine, hahahah.
(omg
I’m getting tired but I will forever regret it if I don’t complete this post
properly)
And then December came and I got to
spend time with Julie, Pris, Kai, Bryant, Joel & Guowei at Zoukout,
Fairmont and tomorrow (today) at Jurong Country Club. Thank you all for
partying with me at zoukout, celebrating Christmas together, and counting down
to the new year together in the west. When we’re all together, It’s like we
have this bond though we came together by introducing our friends to other
friends. When I’m with you guys, I feel loved, safe, cherished, and most
importantly- blessed. I love that we’re all so comfortable with each other and
we can go through the best and worst of times together and still be there for
one another. You all have been such a blessing to my life and I really hope you
all would stick around, because I like having you guys around.
So that’s it for reminiscing. I’m going
to do paragraphs for important individuals in my life now, because it didn’t
fit in to my story just now hahaha.
To the Titans: I’m sure you all noticed
how much my life/I have changed this year, and it’s so cheesy but really, thank
you all for being the constants in my life.
Mich:
Thank you for always being an iMessage away, whether it be accounting help or
random panic attacks we both get, or whatever. I know I haven’t been as close
as I hoped to be to you this year because we both led our own lives, but I’m
glad we still found space for each other in our respective lives no matter how
busy it got. If each friendship had to go through their own challenging times,
this was, in a way, ours. I love you, and I hope you know that even if we don’t
meet up every freaking week like we used to in JC.
Amelia:
Yup you didn’t force me to write this part :D I am
so so so so grateful we’re both in SMU biz together, and sometimes I don’t know
what I’d do if you went to a different school. Thanks for accompanying me to
the gym, to the smoking areas around school, to random study sessions, and for
trusting me to handle our class biddings and schedules. If I didn’t have you
around, I would just go to school like a routine. But having you there for me
to talk to, to tell you about my weekends, my dramas, you became like a
connection between my life outside of school and my life in school. Thank you
for all the times you’ve shown me your love, both in big ways like driving me
around and giving me stuff, as well as in the smaller quieter ways like buying
me food/drinks before class, paying for my meals thinking I won’t realise,
signing up for events and all with me. I love you very dearly and I too hope I
will never lose you in my life, and I promise you that if our friendship is
ever threatened- both internally or externally, I will do everything within my
means to fight for it.
Maxx:
Hi you, thank you for bringing me clubbing for my
first time and (in your own words) “created a monster”. Thank you for all the
times we spent at Holland V pouring our hearts out to each other, and for times
you accompanied me to places. Thank you for confiding in me and also letting me
confide in you. Those bonding times we shared is something I treasure very
dearly and hope that we do it more often. I love you, and I’m so glad you’re in
my life.
Weiyan:
Fucker run off to Canada and leave all of us here to
melt under the Sg sun. I read your tweets everyday and sometimes I wished you
were here studying in Sg so that we could relate more to your rants. But then I
think of how badly you wanted to get out of this country and I am honestly glad
you got to. For the times you randomly whatsapped me to check up on me if you
sensed something was amiss, I thank you, and I’m sorry I don’t do the same all
the time. Thank you for that one night when you texted me at 5am (Sg) time, and
though you didn’t know it, stopped me from having a crazy emotional breakdown
at the back of some taxi.
Veno:
VENO thank you, you, for showing me your love for me
by randomly whatsapping me to check up on me, and for asking about me because
you genuinely care. Thank you for your well-wishes when I'm feeling down, or for your cheers for me to party hard when you know I'm clubbing that night. Means alot to me you take the effort to be so involved in my life (':
Sher: Thanks for making the effort to always reply me in the group chat even though sometimes I'm damn off topic or lame or whatever. Thanks for opening up your house to me/us, even on that day when it was so last minute and I just didn't want to go home. You never pester me to share anything and when I do willingly you're a good listener and advise giver and I'm thankful for that.
Thanks you guys for rushing down on 30th June to wherever I was just cuz I typed in the group chat to "come get me". Will forever wonder what good I did in my life to deserve you all.
To Joel: Bet you were wondering when your name would come up. Thank you for deciding this year that you still want to be a part of my life, and thank you for letting me be a part of yours, which brought many more friends into my life. Thank you for helping me gracefully move past that incident and for opening up so many doors to make my life so much more interesting and fun. I see how you express you love for me almost everyday, in small ways like replying me even though you're damn busy, holding doors open for me till it becomes a habit, waiting for me when I'm damn late, to the bigger ways like making time for me, constantly giving me reassurance for my insecurities, trusting me enough to tell me almost everything (sometimes too much), and for respecting me enough to actually listen to my advise. You knew how hard I fell and you were there through it all to pick me up again, even though you weren't obliged to. I know it's so cheesy and cliche but I mean it when I say you'll always have a special place in my heart. You've made me happier, livelier, more adventourous, more open-minded, more retarded even, and I'm forever grateful for that. I hope to never lose you in my life and trust me when I say I won't let that happen without fighting with all I've got to make sure it doesn't happen. I love you, thank you for being such a blessing to me this year as I know you'll continue to be in following years, and I hope I've been a blessing in your life as well.
To all my JC friends who still keep in touch with me- Nicholas, Clarence, Nico, Ryan, thank you for making that effort though I suck so badly at reciprocating and get so busy I can't make it to our meet ups. I promise ill try harder next year (: separate mention to Rina who's been so dear to me, motivating me to start exercising, then making sure to follow up on me so I won't get lazy nor unmotivated. Thank you for always whatsapping me whenever you sense something amiss and showing your love & concern for me. I can text or call you whenever and I know you'll be there for me no matter how little we talk on other days and I'm so grateful to have you as a friend and you've been such a blessing for me in 2013 <3
To everyone else whom I interact with, even occasionally, thank you all for remembering me even though we may have been so out of touch, for wishing me happy birthday on my birthday, for wishing me random things like merry Christmas, happy valentines day, etc. For liking my Instagram photos when I was so worried about my posts not getting likes, for commenting lovely things on them, for reading the articles I share on Facebook, thank you all for letting my existence play even that small part in your life.
Yup so that's it for 2013. If you bothered to read through the whole thing instead of looking out for only your name, you really too free la serious. But I bet you're crying/tearing as well because I'm so impactful with words like that (yessss I can hear some of you going "omg there's the debbs we know"). Thank you every single one of you, for making 2013 the best year of my life. And thank you to the special ones who make me look forward to 2014 because you'll be in it.
