Sometimes I entertain the thought of death just to imagine how the people around me will react.
Are you guilty now for not listening to me when I needed someone?
Are you guilty for not being there for me when you could, especially at my lowest?
Do you regret not spending more time with me?
Do you wish you made me more important in your life instead of just someone who's there.
Do you regret hurting me and then never quite fixing it properly after?
And will you even miss me, that even after 20-30 years you'll still think of me, and not just someone who was your friend and died.
So much underlying bitterness, anger, sadness, but I'm so used to it it's just numb now.
I know it's bad I need/should feel but I'm scared to face them and even worse if I voice everything out to someone ill just sound like a clingy, dependent, unimportant loser.
Days like these I feel like I'm just waiting for my last straw
