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Thankful
Saturday, July 13, 2013 23:50

So many things I'm thankful for these past few weeks. 
And I keep telling myself ill thank them later when things are more normal,
But then again how normal can normal get. 
So I'm gonna list it down now according to date, and I'll get around to thanking each and everyone of them. 

Before 14th June:

- Thankful for being able to work at UOB
- Thankful for the awesome people I met (Julie, Winnie, Alvin, Cheryl, Renu, Jessie, Rebecca & Leon)
- Thankful for the money I've made (hehe)
- Thankful that UOB is so near my house. 

17th - 20th June (Church Camp @ Bintan)

- Thankful for Joanna who helped me register for church camp. 
- Thankful for my mum who paid for me. 
- Thankful that I got to room with Joanna & Edelweiss. 
- Thankful that my mother and brother could come on a last minute's notice. 
- Thankful for no motion sickness. 
- Thankful for friends who made it fun (Joanna, Edelweiss, Joel Lim & Joel Tan)
- Thankful for the people who nagged me into going. 
- Thankful for Joanna who selfessly helped us take pictures and generously gave us instaxs and instax wides. 
- Thankful for my thick skin step models Edelweiss & Joels for posing with me. 
- Thankful for the craziest things we did. 

21st June (SG)

- Thankful that the haze didn't make us sick. 

22nd - 25th June (Bangkok)

- Thankful to Amelia who helped me pay for my BBQ pit booking while I was airborne. 
- Thankful for beautiful hotel rooms. 
- Thankful for a good flight and good service. 
- Thankful for cheap & good food and clothes. 
- Thankful for the weather. 
- Thankful for this last minute trip and for the whole family to be together. 

26th - 27th June (SG)

- Thankful for Mich, Mallory, Weiyan, Shermain, Veno & Amelia (Titans) for putting up with my demands. 
- Thankful for the Titans who sacrifice their free time to help me settle my party. 
- Thankful for Mich who spent almost the whole day these few days just helping me get stuff done (Even though it meant she couldn't watch Supernatural)
- Thankful for Sher who helped me design things and changed anything I didn't like. 
- Thankful for Veno who helped me put together a wicked playlist, and even though I didn't like some songs, just removed them without arguing. 
- Thankful for Weiyan who helped me with the games and for letting me crash her house at the last minute. 
- Thankful for Amelia & Mallory who always chipped in even though they're damn busy and my party isn't even that important. 
- Thankful for my maid who marinated and prepped all the food while doing all the regular housework without even whining or complaining to anyone. 
- Thankful for my mum who partially sponsored me even though she insisted she wouldn't. 

28th June (Birthday Party @ ECP)
 
- Thankful for my dad who drove us to ECP even though it meant leaving work at 4+ then going back. 
- Thankful for my brother Joshua who insisted on helping me set up at ECP even though it meant having to do his homework there. 
- Thankful for Mich who helped me lug her ice box, taboo, and a lot of my shit from Hougang to ECP. 
- Thankful for Veno & Weiyan & Mich for helping me cut things paste things prepare things, all while having to face my diva moments LOL. 
- Thankful for my maid who BBQed everything from 5:30pm till 9pm. 
- Thankful for enough food, drinks, cake, etc. 
- Thankful for all the Titans who came early. (+Pris!^^)
- Thankful for all my church friends who came after school/work/NS (Joanna, Edel, Sherlin, Joel Tan & Joel Lim) 
- Thankful that Dogen and 3 of his friends could make it without any OT. 
- Thankful for my UOB friends who rushed sales all day to avoid OT just to get to my party after work. (Julie, Winnie, Alvin) [+Pris & Desmond]
- Thankful for my YJCians who came despite all the business in their lives from school/work/NS (Anna, Genie, Brenda, Clarence, Nico, Nicholas, Danielle) [+Woei Ting & Renfred!]
- Thankful for my parents who came after a long day at work. 
- Thankful for all my presents!!!! (Love love love)
- Thankful for all the people who drank when they're supposed to drink and even drank my shots for me. 
- Thankful for Julie, Alvin & Pris for helping me clear up. 
- Thankful for Veno, Mich & Amelia for sending me home
- Thankful for that almost life-changing phone call at 5am. 

29th June 
 
- Thankful for no hangover (duh I'm a pro at this LOL)
- Thankful for Mich and Mallory who listened and supported. 
- Thankful for Mallory who stayed up with me even if it was futile. 
- Thankful that I was in a way, spared for another day. 

30th June.

- Thankful for the determination to finally get it done, and for the cooperation to do it. 
- Thankful for the meal at Glass House Fish & Co, always loved that place. 
- Thankful for the honesty and the openness. 
- Thankful that I didn't lose it. 
- Thankful that I can just say "Please come get me" to our Teen Titans whatsapp group and without explaining why, my friends will come within half an hour. 
- Thankful for Mich, Weiyan, Veno and Mallory who saw my message, dropped everything and cabbed over to my location straightaway without demanding an explanation. 
- Thankful for the company, food and pampering. 
- Thankful for Sher who let us crash her house even though she's flying off to Australia the next day. 
- Thankful for Sophie (Sher's shih tzu) for being so full of energy and love, cheering me up considerably. 
- Thankful for the tears that came that night, and for the sleep that eventually came to put me out of that misery. 

1st July (My Actual Birthday)

- Thankful for the people who stayed up just to wish me. 
- Thankful that Mich didn't sing Haply Birthday when she called LOL and for Weiyan and her texts. 
- Thankful that Weiyan & Veno agreed to go to USS with me even though they don't have the student pass. 
- Thankful for Mich who came to USS right after she woke up. 
- Thankful for the fun and excitement that I'll never get bored of. 
- Thankful that Mallory got to join us for dinner. 
- Thankful for the impromptu and late meet up with Julie, Renu & Cheryl (& for Mallory who came with me)
- Thankful for the super pretty watch they got me!
- Thankful for the talk with Julie which made enlightened me more than anyone would know. 
- Thankful yet again for the sleep that eventually came. 

3rd July

- Thankful for the meet up yet again
- Thankful for the light-heartedness and again the openness. 
- Thankful that you let me chain (though reluctantly and bitterly)
- Thankful mostly for your concern and abit by your guilt. 

4th July

- Thankful for the impromptu meet up with Maxx (aka Mallory LOL) at Holland V
- Thankful for the food and drinks. 
- Thankful for the heartfelt conversation. 
- Thankful, that in a weird twisted way, we ended up as close friends. 

6th July

- Thankful for Julie & Maxx who clubbed with me at Zouk!
- Thankful that I met Erina, Ben and Vito ^-^
- Thankful that I also ran into Alex & Valerie!
- Thankful that everyone got home safe. 

7th July

- Thankful yet again for no hangover (told you I'm damn pro LOL)
- Thankful for the short family get away to JB. 
- Thankful that my family wanted to spend more time with me after the crazy week. 
- Thankful for their understanding (':


So yep June is hands down the craziest month of the year and I'm grateful to have came out of it even stronger than before. And to make sure I focus on not only the bad but also the good, I will remember to read this whole list again if I feel down. 

More events to come though! USS, orientation, school starting, sher's birthday. On one hand I wish my life could forever be so eventful and fun but on the other I know I need rest and a break from the craziness. Ahwell, I will find my balance. 

So yup, thank you, all of you, for everything you've selflessly done for me. I don't deserve you guys and if I were in your position I would've bashed myself up long ago. So much love and gratitude, I don't know how to fully express it (':

Ephiphany
Wednesday, July 03, 2013 00:20

Scrolled through random posts in my blog and wtf, I seem so emo LOL. 
I'm actually not like that, so idk why I have so many sad posts.

So these past few days have hands down been the craziest period of my life, even more emotionally draining than A levels. 
But yknow, I'm fine and I know I've become stronger from this. 
It's abit scary how quickly I can be alright again though. Ahwell I'm not complaining. 

So yesterday I met up with Weiyan Mich and Veno for USS! (yes again it's my 5th time this year so sue me)
Took my mind off things for awhile and whenever they threatened to creep back in the battlestar galactica would just shake them the hell out of my head. 

Met Maxx and Julie at night and omg, most enlightening talk yet. 
So now I at least have a rough idea where to move on from here. 
And I'll make sure no matter which road it leads to that it'll work out well. ^-^

I'm not totally fine yet, and probably won't be for awhile now. 
I'll definitely get better though, I always do. 
And if I choose to succumb to some weaknesses along the way what does it really matter as long as I get there. 

Empty
Monday, July 01, 2013 01:12

When's it my turn to be happy. 
When's it my turn to be so blissful like how it's supposed to be. 
Will it ever be my turn. 


I wish you'd feel less insecure. 
You're perfect the way you are. 
If people don't like that then fuck them. 

I wish you'd have more confidence in yourself. 
You've so much to be proud of. 
Hold your head up high, middle fingers up higher. 


I wish things didn't turn out this way. 
I wish I could go back and undo everything, try everything again. 
I wish all the "what ifs" could actually come true. 


For the first time in forever I don't know where to move on from here. 
Always prided myself in being rational and clear headed, always having a plan, always painfully practical. 
And for the first time ever I'm scared I'd be stuck at this point in my life. 


I wish I had the strength to let go. 
I wish I didn't have to. 
I wish I could have the patience and stupidy to wait in blind hopes. 

I wish I had the discipline to move on. 
I wish I didn't smoke a whole fucking pack. 
I wish I had an outlet for all this frustration. 

I wish I had you. 

Me
Debbs, 20.
Just the beat inside my soul

Hopes
♠ No regrets

Speak

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    This layout is proudly made by hopmad. Images are from tumblr and flickr. Hopmad did the collage of the images with the help from GIMP and she got the textures from swimchick.


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